Is it okay to ask a guy about his intentions?
Dear single sisters… Is it okay to ask a brother about his intentions towards you when you are getting mixed signs?
So, there is this brother who has been acting in a certain kind of way toward you. You guys have become close of recent with no certain definition of your relationship. He confides in you and discusses with you things one should most probably discuss with someone he is in a relationship with.
Then he goes ahead to tell you just how much you mean to him and how he won’t trade you for anything. Always blessing God for the day he met you. Asking you to greet his family members on the phone when they call. He knows fully well that you are not in a relationship and neither is he (At least to the best of your knowledge) and yet he is always looking for excuses to be around you…
You are the first person he speaks to in the morning and calls you every night to see how your day went, then gives you a rundown of his day too. Cares a lot about what you eat and when you eat. Asking about the welfare of every member of your family one after the other.
He targets 12midnight so as to be the first person to greet you happy birthday… He takes you out for your birthday and treats you so nicely like a lover would…
While caring about you might not be wrong (And before you say it, I know it’s not every brother that cares about you that has that has an ulterior motive) but when this person starts to trespass along the borders of your feelings and makes your heart skip every now and then; giving you butterflies in the tummy but he hasn’t said anything to you about his true feelings; whereas your own emotions have started flying all over the place…
Shouldn’t we just go ahead and ask him about his intentions so we don’t end up being the naive victim? “The vulnerable sister that assumed he liked her just because he was close to her.” When deep in your mind you know you didn’t assume. You know he was more than a friend. Yet when the time to commit came, he says “you have been a good friend, would you like to meet his wife to be?” He played you and you are left to suffer in silence. Hurt and stunned.
So I ask again… Is it okay to ask this brother about his intentions or should we leave it to time and chance?
Dear sister that is waiting on God for His will in marriage, don’t let any brother confuse the daylight out of you and then later tell you that he was just being a good friend. Don’t let anyone play with your emotions as if it is such a trivial thing.
We are emotional beings that take acts of kindness to heart; so therefore, before you start investing emotions in an imaginary relationship, please go ahead and firmly but politely ask him about his true intentions towards you.
“Hey, brother… What exactly do you want from me or with me?”
“No offense intended or accusation made; I will just like us to know what we are doing”
This has nothing to do with throwing yourself at him, it is simply you taking responsibility for your heart and your future.
You shouldn’t assume that a brother wants something with you if he hasn’t told you so himself… That’s too risky a venture to invest in.
And what exactly does he have in mind?
Marriage? Then let him commit or quit making a mess of your heart!!
I am an advocate of knowing the will of God in marriage before proceeding with anything at all. So if what you want is a husband what then are you doing with someone that is looking for a girlfriend?
Know their intentions, please.
You can’t place your joy and your purpose in life on an assumption. Don’t waste your time and energy cultivating a field that was never yours, to begin with. Don’t spirituality things that can be tackled with thoughtfulness and carefulness.
Ask him for his intentions and let him spill the beans.
If he says he was just being harmlessly polite and nice and has absolutely nothing in mind… You may be disappointed but at least you would know/where you both stand and there would be no regrets or casting of blames that someone wasted your time, discouraged prospective husband or even broke your heart.
However, if the “harmless” closeness is too close for your own sanity and peace, please set a boundary ( This is a discussion for another day).
Note that asking a brother about his intentions or purpose with you when you notice undue closeness or suggestive impressions isn’t about being desperate… It is being smart and being responsible. And even if he is unsure about what he wants, I think asking him this question will let him know you won’t tolerate being toyed with. He should get his acts straight!!!
Dear single sisters, guard your heart with all seriousness, for out of it are the issues of your life (Proverbs 4:23). Be intentional.
That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel(heart) in sanctification and honour;