How to be ready to love?
As a single, that is waiting on God for His will in marriage, there is a need to prepare your heart to be ready to love.
I know some may argue if this is necessary at all, but if you want to love your lover the way God commanded, then you need to prepare your heart to be ready because love comes with a certain amount of responsibility.
Love isn’t all about receiving, in fact, love is more about giving than receiving. Therefore, how do you prepare your heart to be ready to love without losing yourself and receive love with joy?
READY TO LOVE PREP #1
Be a godly child of God;
Without godliness doing the will of God in a relationship will be tough and loving someone the “God-way” will be more difficult. God deserves your supreme love; Also, for you to be ready to love other people without turning them into an idol, you need to first love God. Give God all your heart and all your soul and then you will be able to show love to your lover without “idolizing” him/her.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Matthew:22:37. It is expedient that you make God your first Love and then you will truly be ready to love someone else in the “God-way”.
READY TO LOVE PREP #2
Learn to listen to God’s leading now:
There is no enough teaching that can prepare you enough for the challenge you will face in love relationships. But the voice of God is a sure guide to help through any cloudy situation.
Doing the will of God shouldn’t be in marriage alone, it should start from little things and day to day decisions and choices because you are going to make a lot of choices when you do get married or even while you are courting.
Every one of the choices could either break your relationship or mend it and make it more enjoyable. Hence, you need to learn to follow God’s instructions now that you are still preparing to be ready to love.
Human wisdom may work well for those that are in the world, but when you aim to have a Christian home and a godly love relationship, human permutations will always leave you guessing.
Accordingly, while you are still in this preparatory stage, learn to listen to God’s leading and then when you are ready to love, it is going to be a smooth sail and not a crash sail.
READY TO LOVE PREP #3
Learn to love yourself:
How can you love someone else if you do not love yourself? The continuation from Matthew 28:37 says “This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself”
After you have learnt to love God supremely then you need to love yourself as God loves you. Forgive yourself as God forgives you. When a situation arises and you make a mistake, learn to let it go and accept that you are human, and even though you are a godly child of God, you might still make some mistakes because you are human after all.
Consequently, it is after you learn how to love yourself that you can be ready to love another. Else, you will always project your insecurities unto your lover and this can sink even the most promising relationship. You can check here for ways to love yourself as a single lady/man.
PREPARATION TO LOVE PREP #4
Learn to drop your ego;
We’ve all got this thing that is called ego and a lot of times it gets in the way of enjoying our relationships.
When you are in a committed love relationship, there are times that your ego has to leave the way so you can mend a broken bridge.
Most importantly, during courtship or marriage, there are lots of times that you will need to let go of your ego so you can communicate with your spouse about your emotional needs and desires. If you are not in a relationship with a mind reader, you will need to let him/her know how you want to be loved if you feel you are not getting your emotional needs met.
What about finishing a fight? In marriage, it doesn’t matter who started a fight, the important thing is to finish it. So, to be ready to love, work on letting go of your ego, and then come down your high horse to apologise even if you are not convinced you are the one that did wrong.
READY TO LOVE PREP #5
Learn to express your emotions in truth and gentleness;
Everything will not always go our way and there are several times that the person you love and also loves you back will hurt you. It is the undeniable fact but how do you handle it?
Are you still one of those that raises the roof when you are upset? For a love relationship (courtship or marriage) to thrive, there needs to be clear, concise and respectful communication even at the height of frustration.
For a Christian woman especially, you should never disrespect your husband even when you are so pissed at him. He is still your head regardless of his mistake or thoughtlessness and it is God’s unconditional commandment that you reverence him.
Consequently, while you are preparing yourself to be ready to love, you need to work on how to express your emotions (pain, anger, sadness, frustration Joy).
Learn to also express how you want to be loved without shame. Develop confidence in expressing yourself. This is important because, if you keep quiet and suffer in silence, resentment will grow and that can suffocate love.
Thus, for you to be ready to love in a healthy manner, you need to learn to express your emotions without throwing tantrum or a pity party.
READY TO LOVE PREP #6
Learn to listen;
This is important if your desire is to be a supportive and submissive wife. If you are constantly talking and never giving room to the other person to voice their opinion, you will end up driving your lover away from you.
Learn to listen if you want to be ready to love. Practice it now, by learning to listen with the intention to understand the speaker and not necessarily to respond.
There are lots of speakers in the world today, everyone wants to be heard but there are very few listeners. Listeners that hears what is left unsaid in a conversation.
This is an important element you need in your love life. Men are generally not known to be talkative, as a Christian single sister that aims to support and help her husband, you need to learn to listen to things he won’t even say with words. And that will be hard if you are constantly talking and giving replies.
PREPARATION TO LOVE #7
Learn to accept yourself;
Do you want to be ready to love? Then learn to accept yourself for who you are and who God has made you be, else you will always want to change yourself for any man that comes to you.
You need to be confident in your personality. This is not saying that adjustments can’t be made in order to make your lover feel more comfortable. It only goes to say that changing your whole personality for any potential man is going to leave you emotionally exhausted.
Accept yourself. Accept your body. Accept your personality. You don’t need to keep changing to suit every man that comes your way.
READY TO LOVE #8
Learn to be happy alone;
Marriage is not a permanent cure for loneliness. You can be in a loving marriage and still feel lonely sometimes. The only difference is that your spouse will try their best to make sure that you don’t feel that way for a long time.
So, if you want to be ready to love in a healthy way and not like your lover, you need to learn how to be happy even though you are alone.
Those that are unhappy alone will most likely be attention seekers and this can be burdensome in a marriage. Find out things that you can do that invigorates you and makes you happy and when it is time to love, you will be totally ready to do it healthily.
Develop your own passion so that you don’t bore each other. Passion makes you feel inspired and happy. Don’t put the burden of your happiness on another human. Not even your own husband.