How can I become great friends with my spouse/lover? This type of question plagued my mind as a single. What if we are unable to find things to talk about? It can be frightening.
How amazing will it be if your lover is also your best friend? I mean that first person you call when there is a piece of great news. That person that knows your mistakes and still loves you regardless. That person that laughs at your silly jokes and whom you can gist with any time of the day for as long as possible. Someone whom you know will always be in your corner having your back.
How stunning will it be if that person, I mean that friend is your lover?
A lot of people say it is better to fall in love with your friend but what if it is the other way round? When the person is your lover first and you will want to cultivate a tremendous friendship with this person, is it too late?
IS IT TOO LATE FOR LOVERS TO BECOME FRIENDS AFTER FALLING IN LOVE?
Absolute No. The fact that you are in love with someone who isn’t your best friend doesn’t mean he can’t become your best friend. Note; I am using “He” because I’m assuming the role of a lady in this scenario. Becoming best friends with your lover is never too late. This can even happen after the wedding and probably not before.
As a Christian who daily allows God to order her affairs and seeks God’s face for His will before taking any step, it is possible that God leads you in marriage to someone whom you haven’t been friends with before. And then to prove His leading, God gives you overflowing love for this person. Now that you love him and you are engaged to him already or probably even married to him, how do you become your lover’s friend?
Life is definitely more fun when you have someone to share it with and it is even more amazing when that person feels the same way about you as you do about him. Being best friends with a lover is an incredible gift with so many benefits that it is worth exploring and pursuing.
WHY SHOULD YOUR SPOUSE BE YOUR BEST FRIEND?
You may be thinking, do I really need my spouse to be my best friend?
I’ll ask, who better to be your ally than him whom you must love and respect?
Aside from the close proximity☺ that this friendship affords, research has shown that a lot of couples who has successful marriages claims that their spouse is their best friend.
A time will come in a marriage that the euphoria of the “in love” feeling will fade away, this doesn’t mean you don’t love your spouse anymore, it is just that that giddy feeling and excitement of being in love will wear off. Aside from trying to spice things up from time to time, the friendship that the couple has built will keep them afloat.
We all need that best friend whom we can talk to about our deepest desire (Holy Spirit is always available but a human friend is essential to our survival here) and when that person isn’t your spouse, you could be opening up a crack for the devil in your marriage.
YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS MORE THAN A LOVER
God created men to want and to need companionship and friendship. That is where we are meant to come in as women. All that a man will need, God, put it in the woman when He created her. You are to be His lover as well as His friend.
Having your husband as your best friend isn’t a burden, it is actually a blessing and it will give your marriage a greater chance of surviving the hardships of life.
Do you look forward to seeing your spouse? Do you always feel like listing with about the silliest kinds of stuff? Are you always very comfortable around each other? Do feel happy to just hang out with him? Do you laugh and joke with your spouse often? No? It’s not too late to have your spouse as your best friend.
Let’s explore some practical ways to start building that friendship that God intended when he created the marriage institution…
REALISTIC WAYS TO BUILD FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR SPOUSE
1) Find common grounds
This is probably the most important thing you can do to get on your way of turning things around in your marriage or probably before you get married (if you are engaged). According to C.S Lewis “Friends look in the same direction”, for you to have friendship with someone there must be common interests that bring you together in the first place.
I know that Jesus Christ and the gospel of the cross is a common interest already, but then there are other elements to everyday life. Common grounds are basically things that interest both you. Hobbies that you both love and participate in. These things add spices to your relationship.
Some couples have common hobbies while some will have to cultivate 1new ones and others will have to migrate over and show remarkable interest in the hobby of the other spouse.
The mystery of two becoming one isn’t just a sexual or financial thing, it is the very thing that will help you in becoming great friends with your lover/Spouse.
I remember that when I first got married, I knew nothing about football and I couldn’t understand why a grown person will want to watch an animated movie😁. But these two things are what I enjoying watching now because my husband totally loves it.
The point is this; For you to become great friends with your spouse, there must be something to talk about and you can’t manufacture conversation from thin air. Conversation flows from the abundance of interest.
Show genuine interest in what your spouse loves, and try to bring him into the world that also excites you. This is where friendship starts.
2) Spend quality time together
In this world of technology and social media, it seems as if we are friends with everyone else all over the world except with the person sitting right next to you. During courtship, it is possible that your friendship with your spouse was so tight and exciting because you were always calling and chatting with eAch other, but now that you are married, it seems you are both taking each other for granted by chatting with everyone around the globe but not with the one person you love.
So, to become great friends with your spouse, you need to back your words with action and aside set quality time to spend with your spouse without the intrusion of the world. You may take a walk in the evening together, you may watch a movie in bed together, you may go out to dinner together. There are several frugal date idea for married couples and for those that are still in Christian courtship.
3) Speak the love language of your spouse often.
It is an obvious fact that in order to communicate effectively you have to speak a language that the other person understands. There are several love languages, you can check them out here. At this junction, it is important to mention that during Christian courtship there is a limit to how much you can speak love languages to your fiance so as to avoid the temptation to sin as much as possible. When you get married, there is all the time you need to speak the love language as much as you desire.
4) Share about everyday moments
When you share the events of your day with your spouse/fiance you encourage them to do do the same. What makes the great friendship between spouses sweeter is the fact that they can talk about anything and anytime. You can check out some great conversations to have with your spouse when you are tired of the boring ” how was your day” conversations here.
5) Show that you are trustworthy
Honestly and trust are two important ingredients in any great friendship, whether it is between lovers or not. Your friend needs to trust you that what they discuss with you in confidence will be kept confidential.
If you go about discussing private discussion between you and your husband/fiance with outsiders and he finds out, the wall you have successfully broken down will go right back up. So, show yourself to be discreet and trustworthy.
6) Share your dream and plan together
This is such a great thing that I don’t even know how to describe how this is so vital to strengthening and building your friendship with your spouse.
Talk about your dreams and aspirations and desires with your spouse and encourage him to talk about his. This works so much in reinforcing a love relationship almost as sex does. The person you share your dreams with is the person you will wanna talk with at all times. Let that person be you.
Encourage your spouse to open up. Pray for wisdom to encourage him and give him great ideas that will bring his dreams to fulfilment. This is going to place you as a seal upon his heart.
BECOMING GREAT FRIENDS WITH YOUR SPOUSE REQUIRES CONSISTENCY
Friendship is not rocket science, it is quite easy but it takes time to grow and effort to nurture. You need to be patient and put in the hard work that is required of every friendship. Don’t just give up because you tried to talk on a few occasions and your spouse or fiance is not opening up. The fact that you are lovers already has given you a head start. Pursue this friendship with love and gentleness and consistency.
Becoming great friends with your spouse is definitely worth all the time and the hard work that you can afford. It is such a beautiful thing.