Our Father’s Sin
“You are going to be fine my darling…” The elder sister changed position to sit on the armrest so she could cradle a now weeping Tinuololade.
“It’s okay sweetheart, this is going to pass. You guys will settle” she spoke lovingly to Tinu why still stroking her shoulders.
“He says it’s either I’m totally in or not” She sighed. Now calming down.
“Didn’t you try to convince him otherwise?” Tiwalade asked with a raised eyebrow.
“I couldn’t. Because I felt like convincing him will make me look kinda desperate,” she said in a very low voice
Tiwalade took a deep breath “You know, showing a man how much you love him and how far you are willing to commit to him isn’t desperation.
” Then what is it? Because the close example I had proved to be so” Tinu snapped.
“Tinu… Are you referring to Mum and dad? You can’t draw a conclusion based on their own relationship dear. Yours is different because you are not mum and Michael is not dad.
” You say this because you were not around to see mum begging daddy for his attention. Trying so hard to please him and none was enough to dissuade him from selfish attitudes” Tinu opened her purse to bring out her handkerchief and cleaned the tears that were coming in torrents.
“You know there were times that we would find used condom wraps in dad’s pocket during laundry. What about the text messages I read on his phone from other women? I can’t forget the look of hope in Mum’s eyes whenever dad tried to be nice to her which is usually because he wants to take something from her and once He gets it that is the end. He resumes his old ways” She shivered.
“Can you please give me a cardigan? I’m feeling cold” Tinu asked
“Are you sure you are okay? The weather is not cold. Tiwalade enquired and felt her sister’s forehead with her palm to check if she was having a fever.
“I think in coming down with malaria” Tinu replied and then sneezed
“Are you sure it’s not love sickness?” she smiled coyly at her sister and tried to tickle her
“Leave me alone joor… Which love sickness?” Tinu answered her sister with a shy smile
Tiwalade fell silent for a while. Resting her back properly. The playful chatter of Jemima in the library could be heard in the sitting room where the sisters were seated.
“You are quiet. What are you thinking?” Tinuololade asked her sister with a look of concern?
“Hmmmmm” she sighed. “I just never thought that you were going through so much while I was away in a boarding school. I didn’t know it was that bad. Dad used to act like everything was okay and mum also. Why didn’t you ever say anything to me during the holidays?” Tiwalade asked sadly.
“Just the joy that you were around made me forget the chaos plus the fact that your health was so fragile then, I wasn’t going to risk upsetting the apple cart” Tinuololade replied.
“Tinuolaolade… Look at me. I am going to tell you somethings and I need you to listen real good okay?”
” Okay ma,” Tinu replied and looked up at her sister like she always does.
“Dad made a mistake in treating mum the way he did. Mum was one of the most gentle women I know who loves with total abandon and cares with all she has. The fact that her love wasn’t rewarded does not mean that will happen to you too.” She shifted forward to hold her baby sister’s hands in hers.
“God has given you a God-fearing and loving man. Who is ready to go to the moon and back for you? I’m sure if mum was here today she will tell you the same thing I’m saying now. You don’t have to pay for daddy’s mistakes. You don’t have to bear the burden of mum’s regrets either. Give it over to God.”
“I’m sure you were hurt beyond measure with all that happened in our parents’ marriage but that is not a standard for every couple. My husband loves me and shows me every day and I reciprocate. I feel secure in his love all the time. You can have this too.” She lovingly touched Tinuololade’s cheeks
“Apeke…. (Her pet name for Tinu). Embrace this gift God has given you. Open up and give yourself a chance to be happily in love. Enjoy and bask in the excitement of loving someone. It’s an awesome feeling that shouldn’t be concealed, my dear.”
“Smile for him, blush for him, let him know he is the sun that shines and brightens your day” Tiwalade smiled fondly.
“But what if he uses it against me and starts to treat me with disdain,” Tinu asked with palpable fear written on her face.
Tiwalade squeezes her sisters hands more tightly. “Oh my darling, a Godfearing man will never do that to a woman that loves him. He will cherish you and love you and comfort you. In fact, you, Tinuololade will become his weakness. Dad backslid from the faith before he misbehaved. A man can’t be in Christ and treat his wife with disdain.”
“Let go of the images of betrayal in your heart and create new memories with Micheal. Give him a chance to show you that your love is safe with him. Open up ApekeJesu… Let your beloved in. Love is sweet when shared without shame.”
“Aunty Temilade… How do I do this? I wanna live and love and open up and get rid of this restraint. This constant expectation that He will soon mess up and break my heart. I won’t have a home if I continue expecting the worse from my husband.” Tinu asked her Elder sister with a look of total sincerity.
“Practice, my darling. Practice. You can start by talking to your fiance and opening up to him about your fears and the reasons behind them. Talk to him like you just talked with me.” Tiwalade replied candidly.
“What would I have done without you Aunty mi” Tinu hugged her elder sister lovingly. “Thank you so much, Sis.”
“You are welcome.” Why don’t you call him now and set up a meeting? Tiwalade suggested.
“What if he doesn’t pick up; what if he has made up his mind to call off the engagement?” Tony spoke in a shaky voice.
“Calm down. It takes more than one misunderstanding to chase a man that is in love away. I’m sure he is somewhere praying that God will minister to you being the prayer warrior that He is” Tiwalade said with confidence.
“You don’t know him like I do Aunty mi… I have never seen him as distraught as I saw him yesterday.” Tinuololade replied.
“I may not know him like you do, but I do know he is a sincere child of God and that he purely loves you” Call him
Tinuololade picked up her Samsung Galaxy phone to call Micheal……
Our father may have sinned, but we don’t have to pay for it and our mothers may have regrets but we don’t have to carry that baggage around. I wish I learned this earlier in life, I would have spared myself a lot of unnecessary heartache. There are still days that I do remind myself though, but each day is definitely better than the last.
The unfortunate fact that our parent’s marriage didn’t work is not enough a yardstick to measure how far our own will go. Lay down that burden. You don’t have to carry it anymore. The tears of our mothers, the carelessness of our fathers, the mistakes of our elder ones do not define our own destiny. You are a unique creature in Christ, you can write your own story differently.
Dear single sister, if you have prayed for the will of God in marriage and you are certain that this is the man you’ve been waiting for, then don’t let the past hold you back. If you keep expecting the worse, it might just happen someday. The says that Love believeth all things and hopeth all things. And this hope does not make ashamed.
Let go of the burden and embrace the gift of God to you.
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.