Do I always have to feel bad about being single
When you feel bad about being single
While going through our single season, we usually have good and bad days. They will be days that you are totally optimistic about the future, you feel good about yourself and very confident in your personality. But there are days when you can’t seem to get your thoughts straight. The skirt you wore last week won’t fit you, your hair seems to be thinning at the edges, your best friend is unhappy with you, your grades are not what you expected and somehow you feel like “If only I am in a relationship if only I am married, I might feel better.”
On such days, you tend to make yourself believe that all these troubles won’t exist if only you are married. You may be right, but there are some of those that are common to both single and married.
You ask yourself, “am I always going to feel this bad as a single?” No, you won’t. You are probably just having a bad day, but then, if these bad days are more than the good days, reminding yourself of the following might be helpful;
1. Married ladies have bad days too.
As a married woman, I can tell you of a truth that there are days I feel just like you felt above. And while you may think, “but you have someone to cheer you up, ” there are times my husband is not around to see me sulking and there are times I can’t seem to explain to him how I am feeling about the fact that my body is changing faster than I wanted or how all the oil in the world is not improving my hair texture.
Being married won’t stop us from having bad days. Don’t complicate things by feeling that bad days stops the moment you are married.
Marriage is sweet because you have someone to share both good and bad days with, but there are times that your spouse can’t even understand what you are feeling bad about and hence unable to comfort you. It’s that simple.
2. Marriage doesn’t permanently cure loneliness.
It’s a mistake to think that “I’ll never be lonely again once I’m married” because marriage doesn’t permanently cure loneliness. There are times that married ladies feel just as lonely as you do as a single sister. Times of misunderstanding with spouses, times of career difficulties that the spouse is unable to relate with.
There will be times that even though I’m on the same bed with my husband, it seems as if we are miles apart because of a disagreement. Only, that in a Christian home, these times don’t last long. You’ll always find ways to get through to one another.
All I’m saying is this; married ladies feel lonely sometimes too. Don’t be fooled by social media statuses. We all do.
3. Married ladies don’t have it all figured out as well
Are you struggling to grasp what next direction you want to take as a si gel sister and you can’t quite seem to put a finger on what exactly you want to do, well, you are not alone? Married ladies don’t have it all together as you think. They also go through a lot of decision-making processes every day and they also struggle to arrive at a conclusion. And they even have it more complicated, because every decision they make affects not only them but their family as a whole.
We are all trying to figure stuffs out every day, whether single or married and we all need the great Counsellor (Holy Spirit) to help us sort it all out.
4. There is always an in-between
In these last days of social media when everyone shows you an appealing side of the picture, you have to beware.
I’m not talking about “all that glitters is not gold”, I’m saying a lot of people don’t show you the in-betweens. But then, who does?
As a single, I doubt if you post your bad grade on the internet, but we all post our Convocation pictures. A lot had happened in between before that convocation day that only close folks will know about.
So is it in marriage.
Don’t look at a cute picture of your best friend and her family and think; ” Oh, she is done with unhappiness since she got married. She is always happy and blushing; when am I ever going to be so happy and never sad again?”
I’m not saying every happy couple you see outside is wearing a fake smile, I’m only pointing out the truth that they’ve definitely had some in-betweens that isn’t so pretty. Just like you.
May I tell you a clue? happiness is a journey for both single and married, it’s not a destination. We all try to figure out different kinds of stuff every day.
Now, the Bible says in 1Corinthians 7:29-31
But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none;
And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not;
And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away.
Don’t let your single state consume you so much that the things of God do not matter again. Don’t idolize marriage as if all your struggles are over once you are married. The difference is that you have someone to share the burdens with.
But in the meantime, the Holy Spirit is ever-present to bear those burdens with you until the one you are waiting for comes around.